Tell me what you think...

What has happened to humanity? What is it about our environment or maybe social media that has made us so cold, distant and fake? We do things because there is an ulterior motive most of the time. Or sometimes we don't accept people as they are, but we spend our lives judging instead of taking the time to get to know who we are. The evil is not in people, it is in us for not taking the time to get to know what things we do and how those actions affect others. We take time for everything but we don't take time to be alone with ourselves.

Today I told my partner that I was going to save a few hours just for me, and I read a book that helped me with many things that happened during the course of today. Many times we expect people to act the way we want them to but we don't realize that everything in life is energy. If we give without expecting anything in return, life and our environment will take care of giving us what we sow without us having to put in so much effort.

The magic of life and happiness is found in communication, in the times when we don't try hard but let everything fall into place. The reality is that many people have to move things around before taking a picture on social media and they have no idea of the stress this puts on our brains. Excessive social media use affects our relationships and connectivity with others and activates the brain's reward center by releasing dopamine, a "feel-good chemical" linked to pleasurable activities such as sex, food and social interaction. The platforms are designed to be addictive and are associated with anxiety, depression and even physical ailments.

This is one of the reasons why we live in a world where when we get home we stress about having worked 80 hours and we haven't had time to do laundry, or we interrupt people when they're talking because our brains are so used to swiping up, so when we hear someone who's talking about something that might not pique our interest, it becomes hard to pay close attention to others.

We hurt others by our actions, by having expectations of what we expect from others and we hurt our friends because we live under the expectation of everything that social media says, we forget that we all come with different lives and many of us come with traumas that may not agree with everything we see or hear. We forget to put ourselves in the shoes of others and we become self-centered. Where do you see someone combing a knot out of their hair and putting it in the networks? Or using the bathroom when we have a stomach cramp? Or throwing up when we are sick. Or maybe a mess in the house or room or just dirty dishes. We live under the expectation of what we see others do and we have forgotten about the small beautiful things in life, like looking at the sky or looking out the window when driving a car, and observing the beautiful changes in a tree or just looking at a rainbow after a few hours of rain.

I choose to live a life of clarity and truth. If there is something I need to convey to someone, I will do my best to be polite and sensitive to their feelings, but I will say what I have to say. In 24 hours we have 86,400 seconds. None of these seconds will come back and they will never be lived again. So, let's think about what we are doing with our time. Are we really enjoying life? Or are we living someone else's life? I have some great friends. Today I was talking to a very wise friend who told me "It's funny the things that make us happy" And that same person said "I honestly don't know how you get out of bed every day dealing with all the information and situations that go on around you and with you and how you have the ability to forgive and have the strength to keep pushing and pushing forward the truth that amazes me"

But all I can say is that at my age I have chosen to continue living those 86,400 minutes enjoying myself and calming myself down and controlling my (bubbles) which is the name I give to my thoughts and my subconscious when it gets upset and I need to calm down. I instruct it to breathe, pray and meditate, or stretch techniques or other relaxation coping skills. The truth is that the subconscious brain is a creature of habit. When we are stuck in repetitive toxic cycles, whether in a relationship or in toxic circumstances, most of us don’t consciously want to be there. We are frustrated with ourselves for continuing to get into unpleasant situations and we feel powerless to change.

But here's the thing. Our subconscious brain doesn't want change. Our subconscious brain craves routine. You've given it directions and detours and it feels very uncomfortable and even dangerous. That's why you'll hear me say "stop!!! bubbles." when a negative thought comes to mind. So if you grew up in poverty, your subconscious brain is wired for financial insecurity. While your conscious brain would love to have financial stability, your subconscious brain wants everything to stay the same.

If you suffered a physical accident or illness that left you incapacitated, for a time you had no choice but to focus all your attention on your pain, your injury, and your illness. Once you recover, your brain remains wired to the pain and the fear of future pain. Until you provide new instructions to the subconscious, your brain will remain focused on the trauma. If you were abused as a child or by your spouse, your subconscious brain made a connection with abusive personalities. Your subconscious seeks out abusers, and when you identify one, your internal systems activate to form a relationship.

It's not some kind of dark magic that keeps bringing you back to toxic people and circumstances. It's neuroscience.

Cause and effect. Newton’s Third Law of Motion states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Human life is a life in motion. Our brains never sleep. While the rest of our body sleeps, the brain is busy making connections. For every event we experience (action), our brain bounces it around inside our head until it finds a cause. Once a cause is identified, a connection is made (reaction). That’s why it’s important to achieve that fifth level of sleep so you and your brain can get the rest you need. The subconscious brain demands answers. It needs to make sense of things. It wants to identify a cause. In order to function, it needs to assign blame. This is an important survival adaptation that helps us sense danger and organize our lives. The problem is, things don’t always make sense.

Blaming yourself is the default. When the subconscious brain can’t find a cause, it blames the defect. Itself. When left without a clear cause, the subconscious brain blames itself. This means, for example, that a child whose parents divorce automatically blames himself if his parents don’t intentionally explain to him that it’s not his fault. Similarly, someone who is hit by a drunk driver blames himself, despite having obeyed all traffic laws, and a survivor of an assault blames himself for having been attacked.

The importance of naming our traumas and feelings. As a species, we’ve developed a nasty habit of pretending everything is okay. We feel uncomfortable with big feelings, especially big feelings we’ve labeled “negative,” like sadness, grief, fear, and anger. We pride ourselves on being “level-headed,” “cool under pressure,” and “stoic.” And we judge ourselves and others when we just don’t “get over it,” or feel “overcome by sadness,” heartbreak, or “high maintenance.” The truth is—ironically—that if we just made room for our big feelings as they arise, they would arise and go away. They would be released, and our brains wouldn’t form a toxic connection.

Name versus blame. Naming a feeling or circumstance also helps to attribute cause and effect. Since our subconscious requires us to identify a cause, when we name it with our conscious mind, we can assign appropriate responsibility. You can explain to your brain that your parents divorced because they couldn’t work out the problems in their relationship. You were just a child. You had no control over your parents’ relationship. When we allow our subconscious brain to rely on its defaults, we blame ourselves. Guilt turns into shame. And shame is very toxic to ourselves and others. However, when we consciously name our feelings (as I did, with the name bubbles) and circumstances, a well-ordered subconscious brain listens because you are speaking to it with a name and authority. I have a friend whose subconscious name is "Karen" and she tells me "Mitzy Karen is totally out of control today. I had to put her in her place." You might think this is funny but this is very true. Did you know that when you say something, whether it's a joke or something real your brain can't tell the difference and takes the information as if it were real?

What is an orderly subconscious? An orderly subconscious brain is free of toxic connections. Achieving this requires time and consistency. The easiest way to achieve this is to start naming traumas and feelings. At least this is what helps me and my patients.

The reality, of course, is that parents and caregivers can’t help but pass shame on to the next generation. Until the adults of the world break the generational cycle of guilt and shame, our children will inevitably learn to carry that shame around inside of them, too. It’s an amazing goal to aspire to, but it doesn’t solve the immediate problem. Fortunately, we’re starting to learn ways to turn off our shame and create healthier connections in our brains.

As you can see from this fascinating information, living a life full of falsehood affects our brain. So my suggestion is to be honest with the people we love and care about. But the most important thing is to be honest with yourself. The first person who needs to feel peace, love, hate, pity or whatever feeling you are comfortable living with is you.

You need to find yourself and know what it is that you want to do in your life. Once you make that choice, then and only then; I believe that life, God and this earth will put the right people in your life and you are the only captain of your ship who has the power to choose what to do with all these beautiful 86,400 seconds of your day.

Remember that our traumas don't get fixed overnight. It takes consistency and support, as well as a good community and good choice of friends, so that you have the skills and coping strategies to live each day as happily as possible knowing that the second that just passed will never be relived again.

Yes, I feel pain! What I choose to do with the pain I feel is my decision!

I feel a lot of emotions and there are times when I take a quiet moment just to let the tears run down my cheeks and that's okay.

There are other times when my heart feels heavy and my body feels tired and alone and that's okay too; because what I do with my time after these emotions are given their rightful space is peace and tranquility because we are all human and the truth is, we are all taking life second by second as best we can.

M.Co reano 4/18/2024