Retreat and rebuild

Yesterday was a day where I learned so much about who I am as a person.

How is that? May I ask?

As a reminder to all new readers, the purpose of this blog is to keep a record of my day to day life and how I deal with memory loss and how I see life in such a bright and beautiful way no matter what situations come my way.

Yesterday I had to go for a neuropsychological test and this test is based on two level steps. The main step is to talk to the Dr. about the reasons, causes and all the things that have happened to me that could lead to an understanding of why I am suffering from memory loss which is one of my main interests above everything else. The second step is a four hour test that will allow the Doctors to know which part of the brain is functioning properly.

When I told the Dr. that I had been intubated nineteen times her eyes widened and I smiled and made one of my jokes, the amazing and wonderful part of the whole conversation was hearing her say “you have a great attitude towards life” and this statement came after she told me about the possibility that I had part of my brain affected due to my lack of oxygen situation, hypoxia and having covid19 and other head injuries I have suffered.

When we talked, I said , "Well, now we need to figure out which part of the brain is working so we can work out a plan and keep it moving forward (laughing)." I asked him if I should keep writing things down in a notebook more and more and he said yes. So instead of being sad I got in my car and started listening to music and singing.

Then I said to myself "well Mitzy this is a great excuse for you to go buy some nice notebooks so TJ Max is where I'm headed" and for those who know me, you know that Mitzy loves TJ Max (laughs).

One of my symptoms is waking up bloated like I did this morning or with other daily blessings that I have the strength to have; and what do I do? Well... I get up, I listen to motivational speeches every morning; it doesn't matter where I am. Then I take care of myself and make sure I wear clothes that I like, even if I'm going to be at home writing.

I'm also very cautious about negative self-talk. I eat healthy and I'm grateful for everything. If someone heard me talking to myself, they'd think something was wrong with me. Because when I'm washing dishes, I'm like, "It's amazing to have dishwashing liquid and this big sponge to clean these dishes," "and look at this nice hot water and this colander," and I'm like, "There are people in this world who don't have all these privileges," and you know what?

Whatever pain I am going through does not become the focus of my thoughts. Why? Because I am having a conversation with myself and being empathetic and grateful about life and when your attitude towards life changes; you start to change the way you talk to yourself and how you see others. There are only three things we can control (1) What we eat (2) What we say (3) Our temper. I repeat this to myself all day every day.

When I'm walking and I have to speed up or pause my walk because my knees hurt or my knees just lock up and I can't keep going with that leg, I tell myself wow I'm so lucky to have a good leg to help me keep going. I learned from a motivational speech that "if you do what's easy your life will be hard, but if you do what's hard your life will be easy."

It's hard to take ownership and responsibility for your actions. It's hard to make a radical change in your behavior, but if you don't overcome obstacles you'll never know you can. If you don't overcome adversity, you won't understand how you'll feel when you overcome those adversities.

Step back and rebuild. Give yourself some time. I decided to wake up every day at 5:30-6:00 a.m. so I could have time to get organized and write everything down so I could have an even more disciplined life to achieve the goals I will achieve.

I had to learn the hard way that there are consequences you pay for constantly seeking comfort and avoiding hard work those consequences were:

• I never felt fulfilled

• I felt like I never achieved anything

So I told myself I'm going to do what people around me don't want to do and make every second of my life count.

I've learned that often the only thing you wanted to happen is often the best thing that never happened.

So take time to rebuild yourself, do yoga, meditate, pray, color, have sex, laugh, love the people who love you and take care of yourself, don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you, love often, love hard and remember that everything around us is alive so be very careful what you say.

Love yourself to become stronger!!!!